Trying to be a ‘good person’, wondering if you’re a ‘good person’, telling yourself you’re a ‘good person’ or telling yourself you’re not a ‘good person’, stems from an Ego based delusion I like to call ‘Good Person Syndrome’.

Good Person Syndrome arises in most of us because as a collective we haven’t been seen or truly supported to be naturally ourselves. 

Instead, we have been conditioned to fit into a ‘narrative’, which is a nice story made up of beliefs and ideas that tell us,

‘What reality is supposed to look like’.

In the overwhelming mystery of life, a ‘narrow-tive’ gives us a yardstick of how to be ‘normal’, which is directly associated with how to be a ‘good person’ by society’s standards (and it’s a goal post that keeps moving).  

The promise is,

If you meet the brief of being a  ‘good person’ you will be loved, accepted, feel a sense of belonging and most importantly – you will never be left out in the cold alone

(by those who would otherwise judge and outcast you for not being a good person). 

Seems worthwhile right – WRONG!

The dichotomy is crazy! Because to be a ‘good person’ in the eyes of others, you must:

• Lie 
• Force yourself into roles
• Put on masks
• Play games
• Compromise
• Judge
• Manipulate

(to name a few crackers). 

WHAT…! (you might be thinking)

Hear me out before you roll your eyes off the page…

The fact is, no one fits the ‘narrative’. Try as you might, you don’t. No one does because it’s too ‘narrow’. It’s impossible to squish you into today’s cookie-cutter version of what it is to be a good person. 

Now, I’m not saying people are consciously or deliberately lying, forcing themselves into roles, putting on masks, playing games, compromising and manipulating – it’s not like that.

It just takes ‘inauthentic’ behaviour to squeeze ourselves into a ‘narrow’ and therefore not truthful, version of who we naturally are. 

Mostly, the ‘good person’s’ intentions are good. The effort is to not upset or hurt anyone simply by being themselves. 

Be honest. How many times have you gone against yourself to please people, make them happy, make them not ‘worry’, make them comfortable and most of all – to avoid their disapproval? This is all an effort to fulfil a ‘narrative’ they ( i.e. close family, romantic partners, etc.) are totally sold on? 

For example, not wanting to go to university like Mum and Dad always had planned for you,

Or

Perhaps you have your own ideas about getting V’x’d, etc, etc…

(I could list thousands of expectations that come from our societal narratives) 

The shocking part is any attempt to be a ‘good person’ results in toxic emotions like resentment and a boatload of judgement. 

It’s a fundamentally unavoidable equation. 

Good Person Syndrome = Resentment and Judgement (to name just two toxic outcomes)

But the ‘good person’ denies they have resentment because that goes against being a good person. And, they judge themselves for judging and therefore deny they judge to keep their ‘good person’ identity intact. 

Yep…, it’s as crazy as it sounds – and we’ve all done it. 

The other sign of someone with ‘Good Person Syndrome’ is a rebel. They are a ‘good person’ in disguise (more on than in another post).

You may be doing it now as you read this. Thinking of everyone else who has ‘Good Person Syndrome’ apart from yourself. 

The remedy for the ‘Good Person Syndrome’ is Radical Honesty.

Firstly, why is it called radical honesty? Because it’s radical to be honest when we’re all trying to be a ‘good person’.  

A person trying to be a ‘good person’ is not honest. 

I repeat…

A person TRYING to be a ‘good person’ is NOT HONEST. 

Why?

Because a ‘good person’ perceives radical honesty to be a horrible thing, assuming it’s about: 

• Blurting out everything that’s on our mind
• Giving away private information 
• Being blunt
• Hurting people’s feelings 

At first glance, it goes against everything the ‘good person’ is trying to achieve. 

But the opposite is true, radical honesty comes directly from the heart of who you really are, which is inherently and holistically GOOD.

Radical honesty is to swap out the core need to be loved, accepted and wanted by OTHERS and replacing it with the truth in your heart. This is to put YOU at the core of your life and let the chips fall where they may beyond the confines of a tidy little ‘narrative’. 

Furthermore, radical honesty is a skill we weren’t taught at school or at home. Without a safe space and clear guidance, learning radical honesty can feel like learning how to swim in the middle of the wild ocean – panic stations!

If you would like to go beyond being a ‘good person’ and expand into the life you were born to live, I invite you to take the first step and join me for a FREE LIVE event called the ‘Wake Up Experience‘. 

It’s time to discover your inherent ‘goodness’ beyond the narrative!

Chris